Key Points:

What is your earliest memory?
What did you love most about living in your home town?
What were you like as a child?
What was the most interesting thing that happened in your childhood?
Who was your favourite relative?
How did you get along with your parents when you were young?
When did you meet my mom/dad for the first time?
What’s the biggest way our family has changed since Grandma and Grandpa were kids?
Personalise the questions as much as possible

Want more? We can email you a longer list of questions:

What is your earliest memory?

One question that I can guarantee will give you a good story is "What is your earliest memory?"

Maybe they were two years old, in the bathtub, trying to eat the bubbles. Maybe they were five and just starting school. Maybe they were twenty-five, on their first date with your father. Maybe it was them playing a board game with their own parents. Whatever it was, it's something that stuck in their mind for one reason or another. You can use this as inspiration for building your own memories! What is the first thing that happened today that you will remember in ten years?

Once they answer, think of how old they were when the memory took place. Consider what life must have been like at that age and why this experience stood out to them so much. Then ask them why - why did this one event stick out from all the other episodes of their lives? How does it make them feel now? Are there any other memories from that time period which are still as vivid to them?

What did you love most about living in your home town?

For many, talking about the good old days can be a way to reminisce. If your parents enjoyed their time in the place they grew up, they may want to tell you stories about their favourite pastimes. If they didn't like where they lived then and wanted to move elsewhere, they'll probably give you a great story of what it was like when they left, and how it felt after the move. In both cases, ask more questions! Find out what made that place special or what made them leave.

Before long you'll have a better understanding of how your parents grew up and how it shaped who they are today.

What were you like as a child?

You can learn a lot about someone by asking them what they were like as a child.

When you ask this question, you're not just learning about your parents' past; you're also finding out what makes them tick. You'll learn the things that made them happy, how they reacted to certain situations, and how some of their interests and values developed.

Some follow up questions based on their answers: What was your favorite subject in school? What did you dream of becoming when you grew up? Did anything funny happen in the classroom? What are some stories from your childhood?

What was the most interesting thing that happened in your childhood?

Imagine your parents are telling you bedtime stories. What’s the story they like to tell most often? Is it a particularly funny or embarrassing story involving one of them, or maybe their grandparents? Is it about a trip they took, or some adventure they had as children? If your parents have a particular story they like to tell, this may well be the best question to ask them.

If they don’t have a particular story that comes to mind, however, you’ll need to be more direct: Ask them if there was anything interesting or funny that happened in their childhood. Hopefully this will help jog their memory so you can learn about something exciting that happened when they were children!

Who was your favourite uncle/aunt/cousin/grandparent?

One of my favourite things about looking back on my childhood is taking a look at the relationships I had with my closest relatives. Asking this question will help you gain some understanding of your family dynamic, and it also gives you a look at how your parents relate to people in general. This can be helpful information in your own relationships later in life, as well as being useful insight into what you can expect from your parents down the line.

If they do have a favourite family member that they mention, ask them how they got along with them--what they did together, what they liked best about that person--and why they got along better with that person than their other relatives. If there is someone specific who stands out to them, there's probably a reason for that.

How did you get along with your parents when you were young?

This question can help you learn how your parents navigate conflict. Their answer may help you understand your own relationships, and give you a new appreciation for your parents or for the differences between them. You may learn about sibling rivalry, disagreements over chores, arguments about money, or opposing opinions on your choice of music. Or maybe there were bigger differences that had to be resolved — like whether to keep the family dog after Dad discovered he was allergic to her fur!

You can also then interview your grandparents, if they’re still alive, and find out their side of the story! Here’s a resource on how to capture your grandparents’ life stories.

When did you meet my mom/dad for the first time?

This is a great question to ask Mom or Dad because it will help you get to know them better. You'll often get some fun stories out of this one, because usually people don't forget their first impressions of the person they ended up marrying. Ask whether they knew right away that they were in love, if they were impressed by each other's accomplishments (or lack thereof), or if there was an awkward moment on their first date.

Either way, it's a sweet opportunity to find out more about your parents' lives and maybe even get a few extra photos for the family album. Your parents might even remember what it was like meeting each other's families for the first time—did they get along with your grandparents? Other relatives? Friends? This will give you insights into your parent's close relationships as well as into their personalities outside of what you’re familiar with.

What's the biggest way our family has changed since Grandma and Grandpa were kids?

It’s no secret that the world is changing rapidly, and your family has probably been impacted by this. Ask your parents to share some of the biggest ways they’ve seen their lives change since they were kids. You can prompt them with examples like these:

Technology - What are some of the biggest changes they’ve seen in technology, like cell phones, computers, and other devices?
Social attitudes - How was it different for them to grow up when social attitudes towards women or minorities were different than they are today? What do your parents think about how these issues have changed over time?
Culture - How have cultural shifts affected your family? For example, maybe your grandparents grew up being a part of a local religious community but haven’t gone much recently because people's priorities have shifted. Or maybe even though you live near each other now, your parents grew up in a different country from your grandparents!

Ask your parents what their favourite changes have been over time and why. Then ask about things that might be harder for them to adapt to as the world continues to change at such a fast pace. It can be interesting and eye-opening to hear stories of how life was different in the past—and it can help you feel more connected too!

Personalise the question you ask!

The best way to ask questions is to personalise them. Think about the information you already know and use that to tailor the questions and dig deeper into the bits you're interested in.

And keep it simple: Did your parents have a lot of pets? Did they ride bicycles? Did they take long walks down country roads, or were they stuck inside during the Cold War because their school was bombed out? What did they do when they went away on vacation?

Keep asking questions until you feel like your parents are starting to open up to you. They might seem reluctant at first, but don't get frustrated. Relax and enjoy the process, and be ready with some serious follow-up questions if you notice that something important happened while your parents were talking about the days of yore.

What are questions to ask my parents?